The Soap Opera That is Britney Spears' Life: Part 1

According to the several sources, Britney has finally had it with K-Fed after returning from New York this week to find him once again drinking and smoking pot in their California mansion. The gossip is that Federline has been banished to a section of the basement because their relationship has become so strained. Reportedly, Spears was planning on holding out on a divorce until the birth of their second child, (due in October), but she can't take Kevin's general douchebaggery anymore, and who could blame her? This news comes after she posted a cryptic poem on her website that seemed to attack Federline:
“No more chains/ That you gave me/ Enough of pain/ Manipulation is the key/They screw it in/ Because you’re naïve/You come to me now/ Why do you bother?/ Remember the Bible/ The sins of the father/ What you do/ You pass down/ No wonder why/ I lost my crown/ You don’t see me now/ You ask yourself why my crown is back/ And it’s way too high/ For you to be in my presence/ Especially my son/ You should bow down/ I’ve only just begun.”

Strangely, the poem is no longer on her site, which makes me wonder if her PR people made her take it down. Speaking of PR, a representative for Britney refused to deny or confirm the reports that her marriage is over, and you know what that means...Brit-Brit and K-Fed are no more. Thank goodness.


Madame Tussaud's House of Wax in New York City is even adding their support to the online "Bring Back Britney!" campaign by re-unveiling a "Britney 2000" figure that pictures the fallen pop icon as she was at the beginning of the millenium - hanging upside down from a pole, slender and complete with - that's right - heaving animatronic breasts. The museum describes the sculpture as "pre-baby and pre-Federline." The website for the campaign features an online petition and proclaims, "We will not sit silently as she sullies her persona in the public eye; that of a Kabbalah chasing, non-seatbelt wearing, ovary farm for any two-bit backup dancer to take advantage of...we must reclaim our national treasure, rescue her from the racks of grocery store newsstands, and put her back on the stage where she belongs...soaking wet with a live beast draped about her." I totally agree and everything, but didn't she already give up Kabbalah and say that her kid is her religion? Oh well, tomato, tomahto.

On the Set of Paris' New Video

Of course, this wouldn't be a Paris Hilton production without the accidental exposure of some boobage...

Ew, she has old woman tits.

Celebrity Candids

What the hell is Keira wearing on her head?

I'm sorry - good for Kelly Osbourne that she lost all the weight and everything, but the girl is FUGLY.

Forget Britney - Jamie Pressley looks like she's made out of wax. Yikes.

Kate Moss seems to be having a bit of a bad day.

Nicole Richie Eats Something

Too bad it doesn't have any calories or nutritional value.

Gwen is Weird

From The Daily Mirror;

"WHILE most mums-to-be spend their last month of pregnancy with their feet up, knitting little booties, No Doubt's Gwen Stefani is still out par tying... in a wheelchair.

We're told the No Doubt singer is planning turn up to the Guilty Pleasures night at Koko in Camden, London, tomorrow night in a strange-looking electric wheelchair so she can sit down and move around easily.

Now we know Gwen, 36, likes to look a bit kooky, but this wheelchair idea, as we've mocked up here, is her most eccentric yet.

Our mole also tells us that Gwen and her 16-strong entourage have asked for the club's side entrance to be roped off just for them, and a ramp put in place - just in case the tot makes an early appearance and she needs a quick exit.

What next - air ambulance on standby? She's having a baby, not delivering a nuclear missile!"

Um, if I was disabled, I'd be kind of pissed about this. If she's so concerned about having her baby and being safe and all then she should just stop going out to clubs no?


I'm Baaaaaack!

Sorry for the long delay (as I'm sure MANY of you out there have been eagerly awaiting my return <----- *sarcasm*), but now I'm back and well-rested and just full of juicy gossip to share with the public. Sometimes a girl just needs a break, you know? Now if only the weather would cooperate up here in New York. I've got my brand-new Gucci belt-buckle sunglasses, my frosty new margarita glasses from Pottery Barn, an unopened bottle of Australian Gold tanning spray, and a fresh pedicure all raring to go for a round of sun worshipping. Only problem is, it's 50 degrees here! Yikes! Wind, wind, go away - time to soak up the sun!!
Leave me some comments or drop me an email - I'm always looking for link exchanges! Toodles.

Madonna's Latest Controversy

Here's a picture from Madonna's latest tour to promote her CD, "Confessions on a Dance Floor." She's "nailed" to a mirrored disco-ball cross and sports a crown of thorns while singing her classic hit, "Live to Tell." Personally, I think Madge has run out of ways to attract the media - she's not hot anymore, her body looks old, and she has basically done everything under the sun to get their attention - so she's really pulling out the last stops with this crucifix thing. Madonna comparing herself to Christ?! Blasphemous! If nothing else this will get all those devout Christian groups riled up, so I guess she's accomplished something.

J-Lo Pregnant?

InTouch is reporting that Jennifer Lopez is three months pregnant after seeing a small bump and gray roots in her hair at the ALMA Awards in LA on May 7. A Socialite's Life Miu Von Furstenburg also confirms the rumors, citing an anonymous tip. Lopez told the Miami Sun-Herald's Jackie O, "No comment. I'm not even going to acknowledge that rumor," which seems fishy when compared to previous interviews in which she has flatly denied pregnancy rumors. I guess we'll have to wait and see...if this does turn out to be true, I'm really happy for her and Marc. She has expressed so many times in interviews her desire to beome a mother and it would be nice. Plus, I cannot wait to see the clothes the baby would wear. Swaddled in Louis Vuitton, no doubt. Anyway, if all the hullabulloo turns out to be true and she is three months along, the baby should be due in December. Merry Christmas, J-Lo!

Jessica, Au Naturel

No makeup or hair extensions. Keep using that Proactive, kid.


Kirstie Alley breaking her diet by going to In-n-Out Burger.

Fashion Police!

Maybe Jen got this top in hopes that it will lure Brad back to her because it looks like she either bought it in Africa or made it out of silly string. I'm disappointed in you, Jen - you usually make sensible fashion choices - but this is just all wrong. Ick.

Um, yeah, ick again. Except this time I'm not surprised. Why does she always do her hair like a poodle, though? It seems rather out of character.

Bai Ling on her yacht at Cannes. How does she get a yacht? And how does she think she looks good when she looks in the mirror every day?

Kim Cattrall has really gone downhill since leaving "Sex and the City". She looks like a soccer mom with that hair now instead of a hot mama. What's with her boobs? They seem to be going south really fast. She needs a push up bra...or a breast lift.

Last but not least, Mariah Carey making the same fashion mistakes as always: too short, too bright, and too tight. This is really unflattering on her, especially since she's made a big to-do about her recent weight loss. The pink satin makes her look heavier than ever.

Are Jen and Vince in Trouble?

From Star Magazine:

"The sexy spark between The Break-Up co-stars Jennifer Aniston, 37, and Vince Vaughn, 36, may have ignited during shooting of the comedic film last year in Chicago, but judging by the duo's behavior at the film's world premiere on Monday in Westwood, Calif., that spark has lost its sizzle — big time!

The first clue of trouble in paradise? Aniston, who looked stunning in a sleeveless, body-hugging creme striped knit dress, arrived at Mann Village Theater around 7:30 pm — solo! Vaughn, who wore a simple black suit and light blue shirt, arrived about 15 minutes later.

The second clue? On the red carpet, Vaughn stayed about ten steps behind Aniston at all times.

Towards the end of her stroll down the red carpet, Aniston — who's bracing for the impending birth of Angelina Jolie's baby with her ex-husband Brad Pitt — startled her publicist when she darted across Broxton Street to sign autographs for her fans. Jen spent quite a bit of time mingling with the crowd, to the point where her seemingly nervous minder was overheard saying, "We've got to get Jen inside before Vince gets down." Hmm...

Aniston then scooted inside the theater and, as if it was a well-orchestrated maneuver, Vaughn crossed Broxton Street to take his turn at working the crowd. The screening was delayed by fifteen minutes so that Vince could spend time with the fans."

More News About Brangelina *yawn*

From In Touch Weekly:

"In Touch has learned that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have given the right to name their baby to the governor of the Erongo region of Namibia, where they are currently living and plan to give birth..

The governor, Samuel Nuuyoma, has gotten close to the couple since their arrival seven weeks ago, and is expected to give a press conference on Friday to brief the media further.

"It's true. This is a great honor for Namibia and everyone is very excited," a government official for Namibia told In Touch .

It is not known what name the governor plans on giving the baby or whether it will be a traditional Namibian one.

Nuuyoma has said that when Angelina goes into labor, any day now, he will go there and name the baby.

In the time Brad and Angelina have been in Namibia, Nuuyoma has dined with the couple, who are interested in helping out in the area."

Oh, yeah, and in other news, Brad can't go to the Cannes Film Festival to promote his movie "Babel," because Angelina's going to pop that sucker out any day now.

I really am sick and tired of Brangelina. So they're a gorgeous couple with gorgeous kids and they do wonderful charity work. Blah.

Brandon Slams Lindsay

Here's the video of Brandon Davis pretty much trashing Lindsay Lohan while Paris Hilton giggles like an idiot in the background and refuses to comment.

For those of you that just want to know what the hell Davis had to say, and I'll admit, it's pretty funny in a drunken way, here is my own written transcript of Brandon's slurs:

"Lindsay Lohan has got the skankiest, sweatiest, orange cunt anyone has ever seen. I haven't seen it, she wants me to see it, but it's orange, and it fucking smells like diarrhea, so fuck off. And who would want to fuck her? Who? Wilmer? First off, is he in a mariachi band? We don't care. and she's got a fire crotch and all you guys then of course suck because you're desperate. Fuck you you fucking whore. Lindsay Lohan is a fire crotch. Ok, just tell me the truth...Lindsay Lohan? Would you fuck her? Her dad's hotter than her, alright? We think she's a fire crotch. I mean, we don't think that, we know that, it's obvious. Red pubic hair comes from inside her. She's like an orange tree. Fire crotches' movie bombed. Fire Pussy. Fire Weiner. I think she's worth about seven million, which means she's really poor. Its disgusting. She lives in a motel. We're gonna leave you with these last words. Lindsay Lohan? Fire crotch. She has freckles coming from inside her vagina, and her clitoris is seven feet long."

That last claim is pretty outrageous. Still, I am cracking up picturing Lohan dragging her seven foot clit behind her at premieres. Oh, me.

Kenzie Dalton a Finalist in Modeling Competition

Here's Chad Michael Murrary's child bride, Kenzie Dalton, modeling at Mansion Nightclub in Miami Beach, Florida on May 20 in the "So You Want to be a Model" finals. In the second picture you can see Nicky Hilton and Niki Taylor posing with the winner, Elizabeth White. I wonder if this is going to become a television show or something? Look closely in the first picture and you can see that Dalton's wearing her engagement ring.

And heeeeere's the happy couple...and I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

New Couple? Petra Nemcova and James Blunt

Reported here last month, it now seems that the New York Post is onto the blossoming relationship between supermodel Petra Nemcova and British singer/songwriter James Blunt. After being spotted together at several nightclubs last month, the Post reports that Petra would only play Blunt's "Back to Bedlam" CD at a recent photo shoot for Rampage. When asked about Blunt, Nemcova would only say, "Oh, I know him very well." She was also spotted backstage during his set at the Coachella music festival in Indio, California.

Kidman and Urban Solidify Wedding Plans...

According to MSNBC, lovebirds and fiancees Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are planning to get married without a prenuptial agreement (mistake number one!) and have selected a date and location for the big event: June 25, in Sydney, Australia, which makes sense for the Aussie natives. Reportedly singing at the ceremony will be Bette Midler, on hand to perform the couple's "special song," "Wind Beneath My Wings." (mistake number two!) If there was a song called, "I'm So Glad I Can Wear Heels and Don't Have to Put Up With All That Scientology Crap Anymore," I'm sure that would be their "special song" instead.

..While Nicole and Adam's Fall Apart.

Despite reports (from Lionel Richie among others) that they are planning their wedding, Nicole Richie and fiancee Adam (DJ AM) Goldstein have officially separated once more. Richie's publicist issued this statement for the couple yesterday: "We are confirming that we have amicably separated." Different reports are coming in from several sources, who insist that Goldstein became tired and disenchanted with Richie's struggles with her alleged eating disorder. Her behavior was apparently getting worse instead of better, and her partying was again becoming out of hand.

Britney's Bad Week

After seeing these recent pictures of Brit Brit bungling things up with her baby (notice the way the carseat is facing...)

...I was totally prepared to call her a lousy mother like I did with the high-chair scenario. But then I saw this picture, which was snapped right after she almost dropped Sean Preston...

...and I feel nothing but very, very sorry for her. I also feel like a dirtbag for wanting to drag her in the mud like everyone else.