Celebrity Candid Craziness!

Since there's no really big news from Tinseltown today, I'm just going to do one ginormous post (well, actually, I split it into two posts) of candid paparazzi photos. (By the way, do any other gossip bloggers know how to get photos off of East News anymore? It won't let me, and I registered, but I was never sent a username or password. Hmph.) Candids are really my favorite kind of celeb picture...I love looking at pretty dresses and everything but I think candids are just more...fun. Well, here you go!

Benji Madden of Good Charlotte outside of Koi looking like he wants to punch the camera

Michelle is one lucky girl - Heath holds the bags and pushes the stroller AND gives her a kiss!

Christina Ricci running to the drugstore. She looks good!

Everyone look at James Caan's shoes and laugh. No, not you too, James, we're laughing at you.

Anne Hathaway on the set of her new movie, Becoming Jane, about Jane Austen. Even heading to hair and makeup, she looks naturally gorgeous.

Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows. I do NOT get what Jennier Aniston saw in him.

Avril Lavigne leaving the gym. I never thought I'd say this, but her hair looks like Jessica Simpson's.

Ashley Olsen leaving Christian Louboutin with her two bodyguards...crazy girl didn't buy anything!


Things That Are Scary

James Woods and his pubescent girlfriend


Eva Mendes' test-pattern coat

Morty's Gonna be a Little Retard

Wonderful, macrobiotic earth-mother Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted in New York City Tuesday night with husband Chris Martin of Coldplay at sushi bar Cube 63. Yes, she was noshing on the raw stuff (widely believed to be harmful during pregnancy), but what's more, she was downing a Guinness. True, some doctors do recommend drinking a little Guinness during pregnancy because of the high iron content, but you could just play it safe and eat some broccoli or something if you really want more iron. I just don't see why she'd risk any harm to her unborn child, even if the sushi thing is just an old wive's tale. I can understand why Britney Spears would be stupid enough to drink a Cosmo, but Gwynnie seemed smarter than that. She was the one that bought little headphones for Apple to protect her ears during Coldplay concerts! I had to study Fetal Alcohol Syndrome for a neuroscience course. That scared the living daylights out of me. Gwyneth should consider naming her son Corky instead of Mortimer, in honor of the retarded kid on Life Goes On.

I Hope He Got a Prenup

Def Jam founder and rap mogul Russell Simmons announced on Friday that he and his wife, Baby Phat's Kimora Lee are separating. The couple, who was married for seven years and has two daughters, had actually split nine months ago but were living under the same roof and attending public functions together until recently. Personally, I've always found Kimora Lee to be extremely obnoxious and I think that Russell can do a lot better. To me, she exudes trash, not class, and I think the following picture displays that perfectly:

"I'm rich, beeeeeeeeyotch! No more pawk fry collard greens for me!" Russell had better watch out in the divorce proceedings. That bitch already has enough cash.

Young Hollywood Awards Countdown in LA

Shannon Elizabeth is not part of Young Hollywood anymore, I'm sorry. She should go on The Surreal Life or something.

Nicky Hilton. Blah.

Gorgeous Stacy Keibler. She needs to get out of wrestling pronto and go be a supermodel.

Maggie Grace...the chick that was on Lost but got killed off so now she's not in anything anymore? Ohh, rii-ght.

Jesse Metcalfe, looking like a bull. I just want to put a gold ring in his nose.

Frankie Muniz, his fiancee, Jamie, and her ugly cereal-bowl haircut.

Deborah Gibson really shouldn't be invited to anything anymore, especially anything to do with Young Hollywood.

Haylie Duff and her ugly fatass boyfriend.

No-talent "DJ" Samantha Ronson and a coked-up Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay looking snowed.

Director Won't Do Dallas

Director Robert Luketic (of Legally Blonde fame), formerly slated to direct the upcoming remake of 80's TV smash Dallas, has quit the project because he is unhappy with some of the casting choices. Details on which ones have not been given, but just to refresh your memory, John Travolta will take on the role of J.R., Jennifer Lopez will play Sue Ellen, Shirley MacLaine has been signed for the role of Miss Ellie, and Luke Wilson has been confirmed as Bobby. Other names being tossed around for supporting roles include Jessica Simpson, Kristin Cavallari and Bill Murray. Frankly, I don't blame Luketic for leaving if the casting directors chose Kristen to be in this thing. Anyway, the main replacement being considered for the position of director is Betty Thomas, who has directed a real classic, the Eddie Murphy remake of Dr. Doolitle.

This is starting to sound like a real quality project.

Another Year, Another Phone

Supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested in New York City yesterday morning for assaulting her personal assistant by -what else - throwing a phone at her. The phone hit the woman in the back of the head and she was taken to a local hospital for stitches. The diva has an affinity for phones as weapons, it would seem: two former personal assistants also claimed Campbell assaulted them with phones. Only one pressed charges; in 2000, Campbell pled guilty to assault and battery and was ordered to take anger management classes. Yeah, it really looks like those worked.


New Movie Stills

These are from the new Chris Weitz (American Pie, About a Boy, something else I forgot that probably begins with American) film American Dreamz, which is a spoof of the...ahem...American people's obsession with (I have to say it again) American Idol. Whew! From now on I am using the words 'United States'. Anyway, it looks like this film could have SO much comedy potential, if the writers go about it the right way. It stars Hugh Grant as the Simon Cowell character (except hotter), Dennis Quaid as the President of the United States that is upset more people vote for the reality show than in recent elections, so he goes on AD as a judge, and Mandy Moore, in another bitch role, as the frontrunner in the competition.

For the Last Time, People!

Charlize Theron and beau Stuart Townsend are NOT broken up, okay?!?!! I don't know why I'm getting all defensive here. For some reason I just like them together. Here they are leaving the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood on March 26. Does it look to you like Charlize has a bump? It kind of does to me...hmmmmmm.

Irony, thy Name is Victor Willis

Just laugh with me: The cop from the Village People was arrested this week.

From the San Fransisco Chronicle:

South San Francisco police have arrested Victor Willis, the original policeman from the Village People disco group, who has been wanted for months in connection with possessing cocaine, a probation violation and other charges.

Authorities said today that Willis had been arrested after the car in which he and a woman were driving was stopped Sunday by Officer Ivan Delacruz on the 700 block of Airport Boulevard. Neither Willis nor the woman had proper identification, and both had cocaine and drug paraphernalia, police said.

The man didn't give his name, but was later identified as Willis through fingerprints, police said.

Willis co-wrote such hits as "YMCA" and "In the Navy" in the 1970s. He entered a plea bargain on the cocaine-possession and other charges in early September that would have resulted in a prison term of no more than 16 months, but he never showed up for sentencing and has been wanted ever since.

Willis' case has received national attention from the television show "America's Most Wanted," which did a story on him.

Lord. There really are no words. The story writes its own jokes.

Teri and Ryan, Sitting in a Tree...

...K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!! Well, ok, they sat on a sidewalk, but still. US Weekly got excluuuusive photos of Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest sucking face in Malibu on March 25 after eating lunch nearby.

Her baseball cap says "American Idol" on it! Aww.

It's a Really Slow News Day

Buena Vista Video Games is developing a game based on the popular ABC show Desperate Housewives in which the player controls a housewife new to Wisteria Lane that will "uncover the delicious scandals hidden in the seeming perfect neighborhood." Brenda Strong, who plays the dead narrator with the annoying lilt-y voice on the show, will be the narrator for the video game as well. Not surprisingly, she's the only one signed to the project. Show producer Marc Cherry comments, "It's a great opportunity to allow our viewers the chance to be a part of the world of Desperate Housewives." Apparently there will be an adults-only version of the game that features some sex scenes and nudity.

I can just picture the huge stampede of gay guys rushing to Target to buy Xboxes for this very occasion. Actually, I kind of want to play it, I'm thinking they'll have a Gabrielle-mows-the-grass mini-game and the opportunity to set Edie's house on fire. It could be fun.

Here are some screen shots of the game:


How Did These Kids Get Into College?

This is a shot from an upcoming episode of The O.C., which has sucked all season, and this is proof that it just is going to suck some more. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan, but this season...ick. It's become more and more unbelievable, and this picture is proof.

- Summer would NOT get into Brown on standardized test scores alone. She's actually have to have good grades, and everything on the show has alluded to the fact that she does not.

- Marissa and Ryan naturally end up at the same college, but Berkeley? Hell no. That school wouldn't take those two with their past records, and I'm not just talking about police, I mean their spotty school records, too.

- Seth not going to college is so cliche. So he smokes weed and becomes a juvenile delinquent? Of course, I'm only assuming that's what happens, but I'm sure there's a reason he's not wearing a college sweatshirt.


Hillary Duff's face looks freaking SCARY. Girl has lost too much weight.

Venus Williams forgot to put bottoms on. The people gawking at her should tell her, don't you think?

No, Natalie is not dating Dustin Hoffman. They're in Toronto preparing to shoot the upcoming film Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. So glad to see Portman's hair returning. I can totally see her with Audrey Hepburn's pixie cut for a while.

Madonna and daughter Lourdes heading to Kabbalah services.

Britney grocery shopping in Malibu. I really can't see her "bump" at all in this picture.

What the hell is she carrying her kid in? It looks like she's one of those teenage moms that wraps her baby in a garbage bag or something before throwing it in a dumpster.

Jessica by day...

...and by night. What a difference. Rumor has it she's dating Dane Cook, her co-star in the upcoming movie Employee of the Month.

Jennifer Love Hewitt has chunky legs.